Instructions for international travel with a baby:
1. Load every baby-related thing you own into one or more suitcases, just in case you might need any or all of it. (Forgetting that there are, in fact, stores at your destination.)
2. Realize you might need some of that stuff on the airplane, so unload about 3/4ths of every baby thing you own into carry-on luggage.
3. Go buy more carry-on luggage.
4. Pack your own belongings (as few as possible) into a very tiny suitcase because the baby stuff has already taken you to the maximum luggage allowance.
5. If you’re a standby traveler, make sure you have about 30 diapers and 10 changes of baby clothing in case you don’t catch a flight out on the first day and baby suddenly supercharges her digestive system (it happens).
6. Ask your friends if it is really THAT bad to give your baby something to make him/her sleep on the plane…
7. Tremble in fear as to how long your baby might cry on the flight over

Ok it’s not really THAT bad, but the trip to California was our FIRST with baby, and we were suitably alarmed as to what that would entail. No I did not sedate our baby, but the thought did sheepishly cross my mind…

The morning we left, we called the taxi service and requested the biggest taxi they had. We had 3 giant pieces of luggage, a roll-on flight kit, 2 backpacks, a diaper bag, a stroller, and an infant seat (not to mention a baby!). We felt like sherpas on the way to Everest. Sophie was pretty zen as long as we held her silver Tiffany rattle within her eye- and ear-sight (that’s my girl!), although the sound of rattling metal did attract a lot of attention.

What we quickly learned is that with a really cute little baby, EVERYONE AT THE AIRPORT SUDDENLY LOVES YOU. The check-in ladies coo and smile…. German businessmen (in an unprecedented show of chivalry) step aside at the security line to let the “Frau mit dem kleinen Kind” (lady with the little baby) slip quickly through. People smile, smile, smile, pick up your dropped burp cloth before you even notice it’s gone, and even offer to help when you’re changing a diaper. It’s quite startling. A happy baby is the magic key to human camaraderie. As long as she’s quiet…

Our gratitude to God and humanity peaked when we received boarding passes to the bulkhead/bassinet seats in business class. Sophie could hardly believe her good fortune (in response, she drooled then burped loudly). Although, it was with no small measure of nervousness that passengers who had just shelled out upwards of $4,000 for the pleasure of big-seat comfort viewed our little dumpling as she settled into the business cabin, clearly with no business in mind other than possibly crying up a storm for the next 12 hours.

The flight from Munich to LA is, in fact, exactly 12 hours, and I felt every hour. Why? Because my little princess snubbed her nose at the Lufthansa bassinet seat so lovingly prepared for her, and insisted on nestling into mommy’s lap for the duration of the flight. Therefore, while Soenke and Sophie both slumbered very comfortably hour after hour (and that I am thankful for), I sat wide awake, shifting Sophie off my bladder, trying to entertain myself by playing “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” on the in-flight entertainment system. (May I mention that I DID win a million dollars???)

Thankfully, Lufthansa flight #452 only had to endure about 10 or 15 minutes total crying time provided by our child. Frequent nursing, as well as entertainment segments provided by Soenke and the small array of toys we brought, kept baby happy and quiet.

The one dark spot in our otherwise cloudless trip was the damaging of our super-high-tech-travel stroller by those reckless brutes in LAX luggage control. Unfortunately, they trashed the lever that causes the stroller to collapse down (for fitting in a trunk). Thankfully Mom & Dad picked us up in their giganto *minivan*, so we just tossed the entire thing – fully assembled – in the back. Later, my bro & Soenke devised a clever lever-replacement using chicken wire and a large jingle bell.

My joy was complete when we eventually showed up at my bro & his family’s house, delivered baby into one of many competent arms that would entertain her while I took a much-needed-extended-baby-break, and helped myself to a giant DIET COKE WITH ICE and bowl full of chips and guacamole. God bless America.

And so, Sophie’s career as a Professional Traveler has thus begun…

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Sherpa #1 and gear:

Sophie checks out duty-free shopping with daddy:

Sophie frightens the passengers with a few pre-departure yelps:

The princess is not so hot on the Lufthansa baby bassinet: